This independence day marks 6 years since you have left this planet. I remember hearing the news of your passing. It seemed so surreal. Probably played basketball all day to numb my thoughts. That’s the first time I remember seeing my father break down. His mother was no longer here for him. I probably won’t know how he felt until I lose my mother one day.
The last time I spoke to my grandmother was her wishing me happy birthday. The problem? My birthday was in November, she called in January. I remember saying something about it and she laughed it off. I was furious..at the time. My father told me, “You should of been glad she even called you in the first place. She is your grandmother, what’s wrong with you?” That was the last time I ever heard her voice. It bothers me every single day. How did I know this was going to happen? That’s the thing.I didn’t. No one did.
I remember seeing you again in my dreams. I became a little kid again. It was Labor Day weekend in Brooklyn. We used to walk in the carribean parade that they had. As a family. Every year, we would find a spot in the park to sit in the grass and enjoy our surroundings. This dream was our last time at this specific location (September of 2005). I remember hugging you and apologizing in the dream itself for what I did over the phone. You just had this blank look..might as well have been a stranger to you know.
It seems like when you passed, I thought that would have brought our family unit closer together. It didn’t. It’s damn near non-existent at this point. Literally hanging on a thread. Maybe it was always like this. That I was oblivious to the BS since I was a little kid. But knowing that I’m in the same neighborhood that we shared so many memories, I still look up at the 3rd story window. Where you would keep a watchful eye out on me as I played in the front yard. Something is telling me even if I never see you again, you will always be on the lookout. Thank you Grandma Jean.
(P.S. Florida from Good Times represents my grandmother. Same values and humor, reminded me of good times and knowing I uses to live in Florida…read between the lines!)