I wish I could do something like this on a day to day basis. I try but I can’t lie. Not with my face anyway. If there is something that is bothering me (could be the littlest thing in the world), it could take hours, even days to get over.
Now I hate placing blame on others for my emotions. For as long as I can remember, I have been bottling up my emotions. When I was a little kid, every single time I expressed my anger, my fears, my sadness, it would be beaten out of me. Like whatever I had a problem with, it didn’t count because I was a male. Be a Man. <<< I heard this to a point where I don't even know anymore. This is unfortunately a part of my culture. Not black culture specifically but carribean culture. There were times were my parents (more my mother, knowingly or not) displayed this type of behavior. I remember when I didn't get the highest grades in school anymore, they witholded whatever little affection they had towards me for days on end. I might as well had been quarantined.
I'm pretty sure I have avoidant personality disorder. If not fully, to an extent. I'm going to be honest here, I never warm up to someone in the initial meeting. Some of my better friends I have made in my 22 years of age, we didn’t get along in the beginning. So Avoidant Personality Disorder + Passive Aggression + INTP Personality makes a poisonous combination. If I had a grand for every time I have been called something due to my natural behavior, I would retire early.
You know what they say, the first part of the healing process starts with stating the problem. The solution? I’m involved in a research study based on personality disorders. That should be a step or 2 In the right direction….🚸