Person of the Month – Nikita “Shabazz” Hayes

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I wish I had a picture of her to show everyone. This pic on Tumblr should do the trick! This post should make up for it in droves. We met each other my sophomore year in Deland High. I remember I had the worst attitude when it came to girls. Due to puberty, all of a sudden I felt inadequate around everyone. Too skinny. Too ugly. Too short. Too lame. These were the things I heard about me and believed. Here was somebody, a girl for that matter, that gave me the benefit of the doubt. She didn’t have to. I didn’t deserve it.

She was like that towards everyone. That hospitality feeling I now appreciate in each person I’ve come across. We had a brief fallout – didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. You know someone is truly your friend when you mess up and they don’t hold it against you. I have difficulty practicing forgiveness. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you in person when you were set to graduate in May ’10. Because something inside of me knew this wouldn’t be the last time we spoke. I was right.

I’m not an avid fan of social media at all. It is all based on ego gratification. But I decided one day on my sister’s tenth birthday to recreate my Facebook account. I was trying to find old family members and for some reason, Nikita popped up in my head. I did a search and found her…with a child. That was shocking. I sent her a quick message to let her know who I was and deactivated my account. I haven’t spoken to this woman since her grad day. We picked up right where we left off.

In December of 2015, I decided to say my peace. You know how the saying goes, “They are only certain people you can only keep in your ❤.” I realized throughout the conversations we had we weren’t going to see each other any time soon. Doesn’t matter how long you can remain in contact otherwise. I realized both of us used each other as some sort of escape from the real world. The last thing I want to do is to force someone to remain in my life. The last thing I want to do is save someone from themselves. A part of me felt bad because once I looked at you as a beacon of light, hope and strength. So as a friend, I knew I should return the favor. Unfortunately, It is only so much I can do.

The first time I can remember , I received a second chance to say goodbye. This is closing a chapter of my past I knew I had to do. Could it be a mistake? It was never a mistake knowing you. Thank you for everything, Nikita. 😊

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