Week 4/ 2016

This is the last day of January! It’s too late to say new years but not too late for resolutions! I’ve been keeping up a fitness challenge for myself since Dec. 21. It is getting more difficult week by week but I’ll manage.

The featured picture of this blog represents different things to different people. This picture is from the documentary Dark Girls, which I recommend for anyone reading this blog to see.  Some may say beauty, race, collage of skin tones (50 shades of black, really?) I see my blind spots. In the past couple of days, ranging from losing my wallet all the way to my visit yesterday to the Jewish Museum, my mind has been unable to focus on one thing at a time….

Blind Spots, that’s right. Colorism. Race. Identifying with what it means to be black. I never identified myself as being black until I was 9. Whether if there was an option or not, the characters created in video games was never the same shade as me. Before my love of Hip hop started in ’06 I liked rock music, preferably WWE theme songs. Every black kid growing up watching wrestling like me wanted to be The Rock. Not me. Booker T came to WWE (then WWF) and ambushed Stone Cold Steve Austin, throwing him into the announce table. I remember being afraid about it. I looked at him with a disgust like he was an animal. Barbaric, Monster, Ruthless: All those negative stereotypes went through my subconscious as I looked at someone cut from the same cloth as me..šŸ˜”

A recent ending of a friendship gone sour, the wounds of love and jealousy took a toll on my mind I could no longer ignore heading into 2016. Love is a blind spot, I’m old enough to know. It blinded me to a point where I was being taken for granted. This has happened twice unfortunately.

When I was in the K-12 school system, These girls were my crushes. Tiye. Jasmyne. Tiffany. Megan. Nikita. Pheona. Kelly. What do they all have in common? Colorism. Self-hate. All of them were either were 2 shades lighter than me or a different race all together. Many black males suffer from this: look at any popular rap video today. Females as well, displayed in these videos as well as movies, ads and even through social media šŸ˜³ It took me a long time to embrace what it truly means when they say Black is Beautiful. To find beauty in fellow sisters the same tone, perhaps even darker than me. Women like my aunt, my grandmother, my teacher, my lover, my mother, my baby sister..this is a road to recovery. Wonder who is at the end.

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